it is winter and a little girl pulls her bobsled up the biggest hill in Jenner, Alberta, which isn't saying much, as Alberta is quite flat.
this is no normal girl.
this girl thinks big thoughts.
She worries about earthquakes underwater, and if dogs think our clothes look silly.
She worries about if there is enough salt or if at some point we will run out.
She worries about her parents, and wonders what they will do without her.
but as she lines up her sled and pushes herself off down the hill.
all her big thoughts leave her.
blind in the bliss of a white blizzard.
She is free. She is just feeling without awareness. that perfect moment of nothingness. brain and body simply being, without consciousness, as her face is beaten red by the whipping wind.
this moment doesn’t last, it is small and beautiful as moments of truth always are.
as she picks up speed, all her big thoughts come back to her.
although this one was one she hadn’t had before.
“what if I am the second coming of christ?”
she thinks to herself.
the feeling that comes after that thought isn’t the joyous religious euphoria of being filled with the lord.
but rather this little girl, clutching desperately to her red bobsled, feels she is now responsible for the whole human race.
all of the gas prices, the wars she doesn’t understand, the evil, hateful, awful things that humans do to each other and themselves. The parking situation. Inflation, which again she doesn’t understand.
all of it, was now her problem.
and in that very instant she felt a wave of fear,
having felt the weight of all things, made and unmade, upon her little shoulders.
like boulders, like boulders, like boulders
then she wondered a second thought.
so human it only proved that she was not, in fact, the second coming of Christ.
It proved that she was just a human girl, born with a big brain, in the age of doubt.
“what if I am not good enough?”
“what if I am not good enough?”
“what if I am not good enough?”
and then she was buried in snow.
-A
it is small and beautiful as moments of truth always are ♡
You are a breath of fresh air in this world 🌍 Avan Jogia. st Ivory will always be in rotation, I've read your book many times over and still . Need more of you thank you