This is a new series called Idle Worship, where I will be writing letters to anonymous idols of mine, asking them questions and trying to understand what about them inspires me. Enjoy.
Dear N—.
I have never participated in idol worship.
in fact I have violently avoided opportunities to engage with people I admire, finding it more valuable to keep them at a distance. The thinking being that they are more important to me as far away lighthouses of inspiration, than the sentient meat bags of flesh and blood that all of us, striped away from our pretense, invariably are.
flowery language and pageantry aside, I have a question.
I am making a film, a process that I assume that you understand some, having had brief encounters with that gaping maw of machinery and art. How have you been able to remain faithful to your inner voice throughout a process that tries its best to damped it?
the noise of industry, the whirring and screeching of money and metal. How can one stay true to that song of the soul, the stupid, silly, small chuckle of an idea that started you humming the tune in the first place?
it seems to me that the origin of an idea is such a quiet thing, one that once applied to the production line, get drowned out by the conveyor belt of “market research” “trending topics” and the dreaded “four quadrant demographic”
I have never participated in idol worship.
in fact once I had an opportunity to meet J——-, if I remember correctly Liz Gillies forced me into a hallway that he was meant to walk down at the 2013 Kids Choice awards. I said nothing as he walked by. There is a photo, I wonder if she still has it.
anyway N—- back to my question.
I have reached the end of my journey on this film. I have attempted to keep the lighthouse lit. Through every part of the process, the writing, casting, pre-production, production itself, the colour, the mix, all of it, there is an opportunity to fuck it all up, to have the loud voices outside drown out the little one in my stomach that, although almost silent at times, never stopped whispering, “walk this path.”
so I guess I’ve answered my own question.
listen to the little whisper.
-A
A little housekeeping, some people are not receiving these emails in their proper inbox and they are instead going to promotions or junk or spam or some other god awful area of your email.
As overjoyed as I am to be beside the emails about discount costumes at party city and penis enlargement, I’d like to be in your actual inbox. Below is a way to make that happen.
kind of funny to realize that someone we admire is also a sentient meat bag of flesh and blood that also admires someone
This is amazing. I’m so glad you’re doing these blogs. After I read Mixed Feelings, I loved it so much I read it two more times. I felt empty though. Like when you get post-concert depression. I was longing for more and it’s like the universe sent a message for you to continue speaking your mind and your feelings. Thank you for doing these blogs, Avan.