Coffee and Novel Stimuli
I went to get coffee at my local coffee shop this morning. A ritual that has become more important to me as I’ve gotten older. Truthfully I think it has always been important to me, but when I was younger, I couldn’t do anything consistently. I wanted to be the sort of man that you see on the same park bench everyday, feeding geese, in the same blue overcoat. A sort of fetishisation of an aged gentleman. But youth doesn’t allow for such boring routine.
When I was in my 20’s everything was new, I couldn’t stay in one place long enough for a fleeting one off event to become ritual. I flitted about trying to suck up as much newness as I could. Dopamine receptors being blow out with novel stimuli. Simply trying to experience as much as I could. This is not habit forming. Or it is, but the habit it forms is the desire for even more novel stimuli.
But I think I have cracked it. Or atleast, I have discovered that the chaos I once existed in only served to distract me. Your 30’s it seems is for focusing on the things that you found in your 20’s that you actually liked doing once the newness wore off. For me this was making things. In order to do this, order must descend into your life. So other parts of your life become boring. Or routine. Or better to say ritualistic. You get your coffee at the same place, eat the same things, speak to the same people. Live in the same place. All to clear a runway for the thing you actually love.
So I went to get coffee at my local coffee shop this morning. I approached the woman working behind the counter and before I could get say hi she smiled and said “Oh, I’ve just ordered your book!” This I would file under novel stimuli. I am recognised very rarely for what I do on here or in books. Both feel like a sort of secret place, where I can say whatever I want to almost no effect except for the select few of you that are interested in such things. Which is why I like talking to you all. It was incredibly welcome and joyous, even. “My friend follows you on substacked, and said you were writing one.”
So if you are reading this, hi. Thanks for getting my book, I sort of stuttered and stumbled through our interaction, but I think I was short circuiting due to the surprise of the thing, novel stimuli is thin on the ground these days. I am happy you felt compelled to get it, and am glad that I’ll see you in the morning, as I go through my boring and joyful morning routine.
-avan
If you’d like a copy of my book, pre order it here.
This captures 20s vs. 30s so well. I used to wear "thriving in chaos" as a badge of honor and now all I want is to be a "regular" somewhere. So excited for your latest book and how special is it to be recognized for something so meaningful! Thanks for sharing :)
As I am reading this, I was thinking about how I, a gender fluid male in his early twenties, crave a mundane, ritualistic lifestyle. I want to eat the same things, go to the same places, talk to the same people. It brings me a sense of comfort and happiness. I do think it’s hard for someone in their 20s to grasp that because there’s so much to figure out and understand. With the pressures of society and peers you are often thrusted into this world where rituals are boring. I do feel weird saying stuff like this because it makes me feel like people are going read it as “he’s trying so hard to be different” or “they think they’re better than us”, when in reality I just want a routine and occasionally going out of the routine for some fun activities with friends and family. It’s about balance. Sorry this is so long winded 😭 it’s something I’ve been thinking about since my late teens and I try to make it as much of a reality as I can.