This captures 20s vs. 30s so well. I used to wear "thriving in chaos" as a badge of honor and now all I want is to be a "regular" somewhere. So excited for your latest book and how special is it to be recognized for something so meaningful! Thanks for sharing :)
As I am reading this, I was thinking about how I, a gender fluid male in his early twenties, crave a mundane, ritualistic lifestyle. I want to eat the same things, go to the same places, talk to the same people. It brings me a sense of comfort and happiness. I do think it’s hard for someone in their 20s to grasp that because there’s so much to figure out and understand. With the pressures of society and peers you are often thrusted into this world where rituals are boring. I do feel weird saying stuff like this because it makes me feel like people are going read it as “he’s trying so hard to be different” or “they think they’re better than us”, when in reality I just want a routine and occasionally going out of the routine for some fun activities with friends and family. It’s about balance. Sorry this is so long winded 😭 it’s something I’ve been thinking about since my late teens and I try to make it as much of a reality as I can.
Absolutely, I used to say I've seen the inside of bar's and restaurants for 10 years. Now I am trying to see the inside of a community center, or a church, or like I don't know, like the post office. There are so many places you can go. In a way it's still a search of novel stimuli, It's just a bit lonelier. or quieter I guess.
I do agree with it being lonelier because you have to get comfortable with doing things alone, like the older gentleman example you mentioned. It can also be quieter because there are less people around so it forces you to notice things and take stock in your surroundings that you normally wouldn’t. Which I think creates novel stimuli. Even being in the same places every day, you can notice new things and it forces you to be observant.
As a person well beyond my 20s and 30s, what you’ve written rings true.
Brief side note: I am a 62-year-old vintage human. I referred to myself as older once and my age 30-ish adult children balked. They see me as vintage, not old. Vintage items, they assured me, are valued for their history, their unique patinas of blue green gold, the nicks and scratches and very fact that they are still here. As a woman who feels often invisible due to my age and gender, their perspectives were refreshing and rather empowering.
Your writing moves me. I feel your heart in it. I have been incredibly fortunate in crafting a life that involves meeting people of every age -birth through the very last breath, of every neurological/developmental/quirky persuasion, and from a multitude of backgrounds. Your voice, unique and clear, is one that needs to be heard.
Nobody asked but I am certain that our power in these chaotic, surreal, Hieronymus Bosch inspired times comes from truly hearing and seeing each other. When we meet each other with open hearts, from a place of curiosity, with acceptance as our North Star, any sense of “us” and “them” evaporates.
I am from Concord, MA originally where Thoreau wisely wrote, “I have travelled widely in Concord.” I hope you are able to savor new depths and nuances and beauty as you create routines and rituals to ground you in your thirties.
Please keep writing. Never doubt that folks are out here are reading your creations.
Reading this while sipping coffee at my local spot- the first place in a loooong time that feels like mine! After years of moving across Europe with my boyfriend, chasing new places and new experiences, I almost got addicted to the overstimulation. I feared that stillness would be boring, that routine would mean some kind of slow death. I am 32 now and lately, routine feels like a newfound freedom, one that quiets all the mental clatter and makes space for presence and creativity.
New experiences are always on the menu, but there’s a special kind of joy in the things that become familiar ❤️
Thanks once again for your writing, beautifully put.
I’m very happy to be reading your work! I loved your acting in Tut, which is how I became a fan, and since then both Doormouse and Mixed Feelings have been beautiful additions to your writing talent.
I find comfort in your words, in this experience shared, the sort of fetishization of a possible routine. For me, to find a ground in this very busy and hurtful life, i ritualize things a lot. I must listen this song before I turn this age, I must see this movie because it’s the anniversary of the death of that person I loved, it’s the spring so I must go on a walk at 6pm… there is so much little things in my life that i ritualize because in some way it’s the only thing I can control, and control bring me happiness and joy when it’s such little things. People don’t understand, ‘ you can just do what you when you want ‘ but where’s the fun? I wonder, when we will look back at our life, what importance and part those little rituals that stabilize everything would be ? Will you remember more the taste of the coffee or the smile of the barista? Will you forget everything about the coffee shop but remember precisely this conversation? Thanks for sharing!
This is the most relatable thing I've read in a while. There is so much MAGIC in doing the small things the same way over and over again until you find the path that leads you to the BIG thing. I feel like I was veering off the path for a while and I'm finding my way back to the excitement of rituals. Thanks for reminding me to keep pushing! If that makes sense. :)
This captures 20s vs. 30s so well. I used to wear "thriving in chaos" as a badge of honor and now all I want is to be a "regular" somewhere. So excited for your latest book and how special is it to be recognized for something so meaningful! Thanks for sharing :)
Yeah that is all I have to report from the field. The chaos becomes a bit boring actually. Routine becomes fascinating.
More reports from the field pls!!! 😂 Need your boots on the ground perspective for those lost 20 somethings floating in the air! ☁️
As I am reading this, I was thinking about how I, a gender fluid male in his early twenties, crave a mundane, ritualistic lifestyle. I want to eat the same things, go to the same places, talk to the same people. It brings me a sense of comfort and happiness. I do think it’s hard for someone in their 20s to grasp that because there’s so much to figure out and understand. With the pressures of society and peers you are often thrusted into this world where rituals are boring. I do feel weird saying stuff like this because it makes me feel like people are going read it as “he’s trying so hard to be different” or “they think they’re better than us”, when in reality I just want a routine and occasionally going out of the routine for some fun activities with friends and family. It’s about balance. Sorry this is so long winded 😭 it’s something I’ve been thinking about since my late teens and I try to make it as much of a reality as I can.
Absolutely, I used to say I've seen the inside of bar's and restaurants for 10 years. Now I am trying to see the inside of a community center, or a church, or like I don't know, like the post office. There are so many places you can go. In a way it's still a search of novel stimuli, It's just a bit lonelier. or quieter I guess.
I do agree with it being lonelier because you have to get comfortable with doing things alone, like the older gentleman example you mentioned. It can also be quieter because there are less people around so it forces you to notice things and take stock in your surroundings that you normally wouldn’t. Which I think creates novel stimuli. Even being in the same places every day, you can notice new things and it forces you to be observant.
Quiet and lonely are two sides of the same garment. It is up to us how we choose to wear it.
As a person well beyond my 20s and 30s, what you’ve written rings true.
Brief side note: I am a 62-year-old vintage human. I referred to myself as older once and my age 30-ish adult children balked. They see me as vintage, not old. Vintage items, they assured me, are valued for their history, their unique patinas of blue green gold, the nicks and scratches and very fact that they are still here. As a woman who feels often invisible due to my age and gender, their perspectives were refreshing and rather empowering.
Your writing moves me. I feel your heart in it. I have been incredibly fortunate in crafting a life that involves meeting people of every age -birth through the very last breath, of every neurological/developmental/quirky persuasion, and from a multitude of backgrounds. Your voice, unique and clear, is one that needs to be heard.
Nobody asked but I am certain that our power in these chaotic, surreal, Hieronymus Bosch inspired times comes from truly hearing and seeing each other. When we meet each other with open hearts, from a place of curiosity, with acceptance as our North Star, any sense of “us” and “them” evaporates.
I am from Concord, MA originally where Thoreau wisely wrote, “I have travelled widely in Concord.” I hope you are able to savor new depths and nuances and beauty as you create routines and rituals to ground you in your thirties.
Please keep writing. Never doubt that folks are out here are reading your creations.
Betty, vintage person in Maine
A very warm perspective, and neat interaction :-)
Reading this while sipping coffee at my local spot- the first place in a loooong time that feels like mine! After years of moving across Europe with my boyfriend, chasing new places and new experiences, I almost got addicted to the overstimulation. I feared that stillness would be boring, that routine would mean some kind of slow death. I am 32 now and lately, routine feels like a newfound freedom, one that quiets all the mental clatter and makes space for presence and creativity.
New experiences are always on the menu, but there’s a special kind of joy in the things that become familiar ❤️
Thanks once again for your writing, beautifully put.
dude you killed this. Great work :) more pleeease
"First, I just drink it.
Because I have to.
Because everyone does it.
Because it looks grown-up.
Then I realize—it’s not about the caffeine.
It’s about those three minutes
when the steam lingers on the mug,
and I don’t have to do anything yet.
At first, you have to rush.
Then you get used to it.
Then you get tired.
Then you realize—routine isn’t a cage,
but something to hold on to.
That morning coffee isn’t just coffee—
it’s the only time
when you don’t have to prove anything,
you don’t have to do anything,
you just are.
"And maybe, this is the one thing I truly settle into, not just show up for."
I’m very happy to be reading your work! I loved your acting in Tut, which is how I became a fan, and since then both Doormouse and Mixed Feelings have been beautiful additions to your writing talent.
I find comfort in your words, in this experience shared, the sort of fetishization of a possible routine. For me, to find a ground in this very busy and hurtful life, i ritualize things a lot. I must listen this song before I turn this age, I must see this movie because it’s the anniversary of the death of that person I loved, it’s the spring so I must go on a walk at 6pm… there is so much little things in my life that i ritualize because in some way it’s the only thing I can control, and control bring me happiness and joy when it’s such little things. People don’t understand, ‘ you can just do what you when you want ‘ but where’s the fun? I wonder, when we will look back at our life, what importance and part those little rituals that stabilize everything would be ? Will you remember more the taste of the coffee or the smile of the barista? Will you forget everything about the coffee shop but remember precisely this conversation? Thanks for sharing!
This is so nice and well written. I can feel what you describe. I hope you enjoy all this
thank you for writing your book and this as well :) i’m in my early 20s now and hope to one day find a place that feels this comforting like you did
This is the most relatable thing I've read in a while. There is so much MAGIC in doing the small things the same way over and over again until you find the path that leads you to the BIG thing. I feel like I was veering off the path for a while and I'm finding my way back to the excitement of rituals. Thanks for reminding me to keep pushing! If that makes sense. :)
Reading this with such gratitude and heartfelt warmth. I am truly excited to get my copy at the strand bookstore. Wishing everyone happiness!