blood tastes of metal. this is well documented. but what people talk about less is that it is also sort of sweet and pleasant. Rachel Ray is playing on the tv attached the ceiling and Amelia, the dental hygienist, is scraping away large chunks of my plaque plagued gums.
I’ve never been so interested in a dentist visit before. The mundane always feels sparked with magic if you just step back and tilt the perspective. Bloods just another liquid of life, a mix of the bitter and sweet of living. As always your writing drops me into your process immediately, and I feel myself splayed on the uncomfortable chairs while a box TV crackles. This was riveting to read. Also, no one flosses. And if they say they do I swear they’re lying.
Mar 30, 2022·edited Mar 30, 2022Liked by Avan Jogia
First off, you're a poet and I just love how real you are.
Secondly, just to say that I can relate, I actually used to have terrible plaque problems, too, especially on my lower front teeth, and hardly even brushed my teeth growing up, (which is another issue).
So, yes, the monotony of daily human self-care has been very difficult to bear with this life, (but me thinks, that's only more so for depressives and artists of which I'm both and maybe you are, as well).
But the good and interesting news is that I had a turn around during the last two years, perhaps because I felt like there was so little I could control, that I thought if I could just get out of bed and brush my teeth everyday, I was succeeding at something (very low standards of success, lol).
I started flossing, too, something I never really did much of because I had a lot of space between most of my teeth, except those lower front ones, and mostly now because I must have some swollen gums near my molars that have more recently been having pain from stuck foods, whereas years ago it didn't bother me as much.
But I'm hyper aware now, so while I'm not a religiously DAILY flosser, I started and finally got it and was like, "oh, so THAT's why they say to do this."
Existing is conforming. Living is going against. We think it's easier to conform, but in truth it is soul sucking. So my next drntist appointment, I am going admit that I only floss a few days before a dentist appointment to impress the hygienist. I then promise to buy floss (secretly thankful they give you one of those small ones). And then proceed to never use it, until the next dental appointment. *phew* weight lifted off my shoulders.
this piece in particular feels so nostalgic in a way that I think I may have lived this or may have read this before in my dream. I love reading things that give me deja vu.
yeah blood tastes like metal but in a good way and i hateee dentists mine is pretty rude :/ and thank you for the email thing i can fix that now so you are finally in my inbox
Jealous. My dentist does not have a TV on the ceiling, but I do lie about flossing. Every time. And they act like they believe me. Every time. And I end up spitting more than sucking, but that's just life, isn't it......
Mar 29, 2022·edited Mar 29, 2022Liked by Avan Jogia
I’ve rejected going to dental hygiene school twice now because of my mental health, but your blog posts seem more than a coincidence at this point. They remind me i’m not alone in trying to keep my shit together. I just need to follow the 10+ year plan, move to uvic so it’s far enough from home, but close enough if you ever panic from the loneliness, after the pre reqs are done move to Toronto for dental hygiene and model in between the waitlist. On the other hand, i’ve changed so much this past year and don’t know what’s my purpose anymore. Should I chase my dream and commit to being a model until I am too old for them to want me? Is it worth draining myself to drink enough water, workout, eat vegan food, go in for a shift at my parents store, and do it all with all my vertebrae shifted to the left. At least those jobs once every few months give me something to look forward to, effortlessly kill it, and leave knowing I’ve found a place where people like me exist. The days that simply make being in this world worth it. With that option my days are slightly happier, but filled with waves of anxiety. Trying my best not to imagine my indian parents reactions to seeing me do what I love. Funny how that works, your soul can be beaming with light and all they can see is shame and embarrassment. After going into my 20s, I realized the only option is to put my happiness first, but when it comes to my happiness or causing pain to someone I love, what do I value more, respecting myself, or respecting the people who gave me everything I have. Anyways, another thing I stopped making time for was journaling so your comment section might just be my new journal. it feels safe here
Can I get the number for those malaise knives? The ones I have just aren't cutting it
I’ve never been so interested in a dentist visit before. The mundane always feels sparked with magic if you just step back and tilt the perspective. Bloods just another liquid of life, a mix of the bitter and sweet of living. As always your writing drops me into your process immediately, and I feel myself splayed on the uncomfortable chairs while a box TV crackles. This was riveting to read. Also, no one flosses. And if they say they do I swear they’re lying.
It’s amazing what you’ll let your captors do.
“Spit”
Life says.
First off, you're a poet and I just love how real you are.
Secondly, just to say that I can relate, I actually used to have terrible plaque problems, too, especially on my lower front teeth, and hardly even brushed my teeth growing up, (which is another issue).
So, yes, the monotony of daily human self-care has been very difficult to bear with this life, (but me thinks, that's only more so for depressives and artists of which I'm both and maybe you are, as well).
But the good and interesting news is that I had a turn around during the last two years, perhaps because I felt like there was so little I could control, that I thought if I could just get out of bed and brush my teeth everyday, I was succeeding at something (very low standards of success, lol).
I started flossing, too, something I never really did much of because I had a lot of space between most of my teeth, except those lower front ones, and mostly now because I must have some swollen gums near my molars that have more recently been having pain from stuck foods, whereas years ago it didn't bother me as much.
But I'm hyper aware now, so while I'm not a religiously DAILY flosser, I started and finally got it and was like, "oh, so THAT's why they say to do this."
Blessings to you.
Existing is conforming. Living is going against. We think it's easier to conform, but in truth it is soul sucking. So my next drntist appointment, I am going admit that I only floss a few days before a dentist appointment to impress the hygienist. I then promise to buy floss (secretly thankful they give you one of those small ones). And then proceed to never use it, until the next dental appointment. *phew* weight lifted off my shoulders.
Habitual flossers are probably boring, uninteresting people. That’s what I think, anyway. 😁
I always wonder what went right (or terribly wrong) in someone's life for them to be a consistent flosser. Anyway, just booked a dentist appointment.
this piece in particular feels so nostalgic in a way that I think I may have lived this or may have read this before in my dream. I love reading things that give me deja vu.
Amazing what one good brush and floss session won’t do for you before a dentist appointment. If you’re not gonna help with the lie just say that???
yeah blood tastes like metal but in a good way and i hateee dentists mine is pretty rude :/ and thank you for the email thing i can fix that now so you are finally in my inbox
Jealous. My dentist does not have a TV on the ceiling, but I do lie about flossing. Every time. And they act like they believe me. Every time. And I end up spitting more than sucking, but that's just life, isn't it......
I’m overdue a year for my dentist appointment, but I’m calling today, I want this experience.
U r such a good writer
Not me giggling along to such a mundane shared experience.
I’ve rejected going to dental hygiene school twice now because of my mental health, but your blog posts seem more than a coincidence at this point. They remind me i’m not alone in trying to keep my shit together. I just need to follow the 10+ year plan, move to uvic so it’s far enough from home, but close enough if you ever panic from the loneliness, after the pre reqs are done move to Toronto for dental hygiene and model in between the waitlist. On the other hand, i’ve changed so much this past year and don’t know what’s my purpose anymore. Should I chase my dream and commit to being a model until I am too old for them to want me? Is it worth draining myself to drink enough water, workout, eat vegan food, go in for a shift at my parents store, and do it all with all my vertebrae shifted to the left. At least those jobs once every few months give me something to look forward to, effortlessly kill it, and leave knowing I’ve found a place where people like me exist. The days that simply make being in this world worth it. With that option my days are slightly happier, but filled with waves of anxiety. Trying my best not to imagine my indian parents reactions to seeing me do what I love. Funny how that works, your soul can be beaming with light and all they can see is shame and embarrassment. After going into my 20s, I realized the only option is to put my happiness first, but when it comes to my happiness or causing pain to someone I love, what do I value more, respecting myself, or respecting the people who gave me everything I have. Anyways, another thing I stopped making time for was journaling so your comment section might just be my new journal. it feels safe here
Oh the drilling is the worst.