“I feel like a tertiary figure in her life is all” J—— is sitting across from me again but this time we are in Spain. “What?” I’m distracted as he speaks, I’ve been reading about Barbra McClintock’s corn study on Wikipedia and haven’t been paying attention. No one thought she was smart enough to come up with the concepts she did so she co-authored the paper with her dog. Sexism is a hell of a drug.
insecurity and vulnerability are almost brothers. we can't expect to be the centre of someone's universe, but we do anyways. you're there-- don't tell him not to feel that way. remind him who he is. remind him of how you see him, remind him of himself outside of her. that is all our friends need from us.
As for your friend....please be patient with him. Some of us can't help what we feel and we follow our hearts. There was a time that I was closed off...but not anymore! I opened my heart again & I choose to follow it!
loved the content, loved the writing...loved it. Spain (home) as the location makes it even better. I can picture the scene so clearly...and I related quite a lot too. to you, not J. I don't know which one's best. anyway, loved it.
I love reading what you write but feel stupid sometimes because I have to look up words that I have never heard or saw. At my age I feel pretty ignorant. Lol
I never thought about it that way, I just knew I would be able to understand in one instant and then deal with the karma of it through that awakening of true moksha. Samadhi … even when the Venus conjunction would want someone to go back into the Kali Yuga when we are not something in someone of the big and little ego anymore. This is the Satya Yuga now. Truth in the yantra in every tantra expression. It’s more than Tara’s enlightenment and Guanyin reincarnating millions of times to understand shivas shakti … it is divine twin flame union even if we do connect with our soul mates. Keep an open mind .. through all Karma, through all Bhakti and through all Jnana and Raja .. dharma, Adharma and then love, knowledge and Meditation. They told me I needed confidence to teach yoga but that is all I ever had and all I will ever carry fourth even when I leave my rudraksha beads on the alter as I constantly say “ang sang wahe guru” = ecstasy. And it’s not in a bottle of red wine that’s 200 in Baltimore .. or at a Michelin star restaurant in Paris followed by the chiltern fire house. It’s about going deeper into your spirituality and to uplift everyone through constant prayer and meditation .. imagine if everyone in the whole universe believed in the duality in non duality all at once and witnessed their own eyes in the avatara that we truly are as one. Only God is and god only has been.
"I am just trying to feel something and at the moment the feeling I’m after is the sacrosanct self righteousness of a man speaking without actually knowing what the fuck he is talking about. Masculinity is a hell of a drug." my favorite part. as someone who is a woman (mostly? idk i don't really identify with that word but that is how i'm viewed in the world) sometimes i wish i could embody that feeling. it's shitty but also invigorating.
I do not know why I keep returning to this blog, but I think your writing is compelling.
I had no idea who "Avan Jogia" was until I saw you in a yoga class in L. A and you were the only one there I could relate to.). Anyway... I wish you well on your journeys and hope you are not stuck in a dimbos loop world or perhaps fuck boy in training? I am sure it's just a phase.)
insecurity and vulnerability are almost brothers. we can't expect to be the centre of someone's universe, but we do anyways. you're there-- don't tell him not to feel that way. remind him who he is. remind him of how you see him, remind him of himself outside of her. that is all our friends need from us.
Insecurity is hot. It means you are human.
This feels like a conversation with yourself. But more so to that soft Bambi part of yourself. I really liked this piece.
As for your friend....please be patient with him. Some of us can't help what we feel and we follow our hearts. There was a time that I was closed off...but not anymore! I opened my heart again & I choose to follow it!
loved the content, loved the writing...loved it. Spain (home) as the location makes it even better. I can picture the scene so clearly...and I related quite a lot too. to you, not J. I don't know which one's best. anyway, loved it.
The thing is that nowadays you always think you can have something more or better or both.
I love reading what you write but feel stupid sometimes because I have to look up words that I have never heard or saw. At my age I feel pretty ignorant. Lol
Insecurities we all have them. Love, acceptance, understanding and support is what we need from our friends ❤️
I never thought about it that way, I just knew I would be able to understand in one instant and then deal with the karma of it through that awakening of true moksha. Samadhi … even when the Venus conjunction would want someone to go back into the Kali Yuga when we are not something in someone of the big and little ego anymore. This is the Satya Yuga now. Truth in the yantra in every tantra expression. It’s more than Tara’s enlightenment and Guanyin reincarnating millions of times to understand shivas shakti … it is divine twin flame union even if we do connect with our soul mates. Keep an open mind .. through all Karma, through all Bhakti and through all Jnana and Raja .. dharma, Adharma and then love, knowledge and Meditation. They told me I needed confidence to teach yoga but that is all I ever had and all I will ever carry fourth even when I leave my rudraksha beads on the alter as I constantly say “ang sang wahe guru” = ecstasy. And it’s not in a bottle of red wine that’s 200 in Baltimore .. or at a Michelin star restaurant in Paris followed by the chiltern fire house. It’s about going deeper into your spirituality and to uplift everyone through constant prayer and meditation .. imagine if everyone in the whole universe believed in the duality in non duality all at once and witnessed their own eyes in the avatara that we truly are as one. Only God is and god only has been.
🧿
The "hell of a drug" part reminds me of the Dave Chapelle skit. Still works tho. Love it
"I am just trying to feel something and at the moment the feeling I’m after is the sacrosanct self righteousness of a man speaking without actually knowing what the fuck he is talking about. Masculinity is a hell of a drug." my favorite part. as someone who is a woman (mostly? idk i don't really identify with that word but that is how i'm viewed in the world) sometimes i wish i could embody that feeling. it's shitty but also invigorating.
Hi Avan,
I do not know why I keep returning to this blog, but I think your writing is compelling.
I had no idea who "Avan Jogia" was until I saw you in a yoga class in L. A and you were the only one there I could relate to.). Anyway... I wish you well on your journeys and hope you are not stuck in a dimbos loop world or perhaps fuck boy in training? I am sure it's just a phase.)
All yours
what do you mean by tertiary in this context, like superfluous? I've never seen it used in this way before
Being vulnerable and insecure makes you human. I loved this I agree both sides
am kinda sad after reading this hahaha